‘But they need me.’
is, many-a-times, a good enough reason for us to stick around doing things we don’t really like, with people who don’t really value us.
And yet, we insist on continuing to assume that role, just a little longer, just until the dust settles, and then we can let go and find ourselves. Because we are the managers, teachers, the parents or the likes with ‘great responsibilities’, and though we wake up everyday imagining a different life for ourselves, we somehow decree that ‘now’ is a bad time to take the next step towards it.
Well, maybe reassess. Maybe your school will still have great teachers on-board to care for the students. Maybe your subordinates do not need your exaggerated effort to keep them together. Maybe your successor, no matter what role you pursue that your heart doesn’t, will do much better than you do.
Not being needed gives you the freedom that you need to walk away. That makes you dispensable – and indeed, available to the things and people you love.
Well sure, we worry all the time that we might look like quitters. But what do we see for ourselves? What would you like to be?
I recently started working for a large global corporation in the data management and optimization industry. I work there as a German Language Resource, and I’m one of the people responsible for handling front-level business communications with the company’s EMEA (Europe Middle East and Africa) customers.
Sounds great, right? Well, it is, to quite an extent. Now I am back to being the competent young corporate who wants to carve a niche, get beyond the ‘competition’ (I do not like that word), and stay untouched by the stress and the trivialities of an office. I dream of suits and boots, I try to stick to English at my workplace, and most days, I eat alone if I have to. No, that’s not sad. I’d rather choose to not stay hungry than wait until someone else wants to take a break and share a table, too.
But at the back of my mind, I’m always thinking: “Here goes another day without having written anything.” “That song I wanted to write just won’t come to me.” “I am abandoning my creative edge.”
And then I wait for the weekend. Which comes, flies through movie theatres and malls and restaurants, and never comes back until 5 days later.
So here’s what I’ve decided to do: I’m going to meet you everyday. Put my everyday on this blog, like the good old days when I used to start my day writing. I want to do that because I know that if I don’t I might just be baptised and converted by my job into a corporate hermit, who finds no happiness in anything else in life. Don’t want to go there.
So be back here tomorrow. For now, let me continue thinking about the suits I want to buy someday. You think red would be too flashy?
Today is a special day. I can’t figure why. Maybe its the beautiful weather. Or the unusually calm streets. Or the breeze. On my way home, in the auto-rickshaw, I had a feeling that my heart was waltzing to a Louis Armstrong song. I was hungry, and I had an urge to buy me a bar of snickers. And a bunch of fresh bright flowers. I wonder why?
I ‘go’ to work for only 4 hours a day, I don’t drive, I don’t earn much, and I don’t have many friends. But I have a lot of time for myself, to read, to watch classic films, to write, to plan, to ponder. I have a handful of good friends, and they’re always in my thoughts, I have a beautiful little niece, who is like this morning bird whose eyes can make you sing. I have a lot of plain white sheets at home, and I can find joy in spending hours just scribbling random scenes from a story I can’t seem to see through to the end. I don’t earn much, but I have enough and I don’t have much use of it. Continue reading “Special day”
‘Its gonna work.’
I know it because now I know how I’m gonna make it work for me.
I might be a slow-starter, but I’m the dark horse.
I might be alone now, but I will surround myself with people who share my vision and enthusiasm, and I will then have a team.
And a team, a powerful one, can realize every vision.
And until I find the right people, I’ll continue to work on my own account, and never stop looking.
I will work towards laying the right foundation, so that when my fabulous team stands upon it, the tallest of ambition will be within the reach of our hands.
Its all gonna work. From now on.
All the difference there is between happiness and satisfaction, is in choosing between what we want now and what we want most.
To start is not everything. Persistence, is everything.
True. As is the first impression, the first step, the first words. They sure mean a lot.
But none of these make any sense unless you clear your mind, and start.
You may want to give yourself ample time in advance to make the best preparations, to ensure that what you’re about to start goes a long way, and meets the success you want it to.
But at some point, you’ve got to stop analysing, planning, contemplating and perfecting. And you’ve got to make that start; however terrifying the mere thought of it might appear, and however stiff your first impression would turn out, however unstructured your first words might turn out to be; you would’ve at least made a start. And a start opens to an ocean of experiences, possibilities and a journey you can manoeuvre yourself through. If you don’t like the direction, you can change it. You can take it wherever you want. The journey belongs to the one who starts on it.
Don’t over-think. Make that start. And celebrate it.
The longer you wait, the lesser time you have.
It was not all wrong, but most of it was scattered. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe the year was the time for me to find out what I wanted to do, and what I didn’t. So I did a lot of stuff; content writing, video-making, fashion and lifestyle reviews, website content writing, teaching, cooking, a diploma, excel-sheet making, plan-charting, press release writing, blog writing, photography, singing, running an office, re-learning driving, my first ever short-fiction release, my first ever playback singing gig for someone other than my brother, and a lot more. I did a lot, but at the end of the year, I know I haven’t done enough. If today were my last day, I’d probably die of the feeling of not having done enough. And the urge to do more. There’s a lot of energy waiting to be burnt into something remarkable. I know there’s loads of it. And though I don’t believe I can ever completely know what I want in life, I know what makes me feel happy and adds meaning to it. And I’m working on those things harder than before.
But the big question remains: How long from now Continue reading “Dreams of Then and Now – Part 3”