The speaker sometimes speaks in a swing of concern, in all good intention, but is too engulfed in his concern to bother about the tone and way of his speech.
The listener is more engulfed in the terrorizing tone rather than the intention of the speaker.
And then, there is outburst. Followed by regret. And it is a few precious moments tossed into the dump before all is well again.
I guess the solution is two-sided: to step out and observe the concern and put it forth without minusculing the listener; and to understand and honour the intention, rather than being benumbed by the way it is articulated.